Recently I wrote about Charlie Hunnam and his dislike for social media. He is totally against it, and his quote really struck me. So I thought this would be a great one to write about tonight. The quote that got to me was this, “I think it’s (social media) is incredibly corruptive of our ability to just live without judgment, which is clearly the path to happiness.” Picking that sentence apart, living without judgment is the path to happiness. After reading this, I thought I’d share my real life, raw, crap stuff and show you how it correlates with my posts on social media.
Easter weekend, we were invited to the beach with my parents and stayed in a swanky looking condo. It was beautiful and the kids, who got there before me, were so excited to show me our “new house”. By the looks of Facebook, everyone looked so full of joy and the place we stayed in looked like it cost a pretty penny or several! What you DIDN’T see on Facebook was the total meltdown that my children had the week before that left us all sobbing in Mimi’s living room floor. That story will not be shared, as it’s their personal lives, but know that it was a very traumatizing experience for all of us. They’re ok and we rose from it all very well, however it was one of the moments a mom is supposed to always protect her children from. It was a moment that reminds you just how hard it is to be a divorced family. It was heart wrenching and they were incredibly broken. Not to mention just a week before, my daughter and I had the conversation about her self hatred. So it’s been a steady snowball of emotions and hard life lessons piling on them and it finally reached it’s max. Which is how we ended up on Mimi’s floor in a huge puddle of tears trying to pull ourselves together. The next day Mimi called me up and said “Let’s go to the beach. My timeshare is open and I want to get these kids outta here for a little while, they need a break.” Knowing I was going out of town the following weekend, it definitely was not in my budget, but Mimi refused to take no for an answer. So we piled down at the beach and renewed our minds and souls.
Meanwhile, internet trolls are looking at my Facebook in total disgust because I’m vacationing every weekend. Little did they know my kids fell apart. Little did they know that Jamaica was booked nearly a year ago and paid in payments. Little did they know that I gave up the fairy tale wedding so that I could honeymoon in Jamaica instead. See how that festered for them and the things they saw were not truly reality?
You see, no one is going to post their real stuff. I mean some post all of their business, but it isn’t the raw nitty gritty stuff that gets them to the point they’re at. I’m not going to post on social media how I have a breakdown at least monthly (and that’s being generous, it’s probably more than monthly) because I feel like a failure in everything I do. I have moments that I think I totally suck as a mom….the weeks before the beach were extremely hard on me and how I felt as a mother. I’m not going to post that there are some weeks I only have two haircuts booked all week and I’m TERRIFIED of how we will get through. I’m not going to post how I go through depression and anxiety that has kept me locked in the house for weeks. I’m not going to post any of those things for several reasons….for one, my pride makes it hard to admit. Two, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I could share all my hardships and some would appreciate it, some would find inspiration in it, and some will tell me how I shouldn’t post all of my business on Facebook. So I save the real stuff for my circle, because I want positivity on my feed. Here I am, being judged for every single move I make no matter what I do.
Then you have the ones passing the judgment. And we all do it. We see a homeless man on the street corner and immediately snub our nose at the “bum”. He’s begging for money and should get a job. We snub our nose at the single mom paying for groceries with EBT while carrying a Michael Kors bag. We scoff at our friends with shiny new toys because they should’ve paid a debt instead. We roll our eyes in disgust at the girl who wore her pants “too short” or top “too tight” and make rude comments.
Do you realize what all that judgment is doing to your insides? We go on a rant on social media about how crappy the world is and get everyone riled up about it. Meanwhile, this anger and disgust not only takes so much more energy than loving someone would, but it also does NOTHING to solve the problem. The homeless man maybe could use a shower and clean outfit to land the job. The mom using EBT very well could’ve bought that bag at Goodwill. I’ve bought my own from there. We aren’t responsible for our friends new payments or old debts, so why not be happy? And you could just as easily turn your head from the girl in clothes you don’t approve of. When you fight with love and grace instead of judgment and distaste, you will ALWAYS win.
I don’t read much in the Bible, but I’m pretty sure Jesus loves all the people you’re so disgusted with. And if you’re Christian, it’s commanded that you do as well. While you’re so busy judging what you think is reality, you’re showing people just how crappy Christians really are. I know I’d have a hard time following a God that had these kinda people as His followers.
At the end of the day, we are all just doing the best we can. There is no handbook on this crap. There’s no right or wrong way (provided you’re not like pushing meth or something). But we can all be right. We can all love one another and help the other guy out. And if he takes advantage? That’s on him to live with….you lose nothing by being a good person. The ones that take advantage always lose in the end. Always.
So quit living as if Facebook is reality. It most definitely is not. Not for anyone that uses it. If you’re concerned with a way someone is living, ask them out of love. Don’t post your passive aggressive attacks and get all the rioters ready to stone someone. IT SOLVES NOTHING. Love always wins. Every single time. You may not see it or believe it, but it does. The ones that focus on good, positive and lovely things are the ones that are happier and more fulfilled. No matter where they live or what they own.
Philipians 4:8 Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.