Hush your mouth!

*-James 4:11-12New International Version (NIV)

11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister[a] or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

Proverbs 16:24New International Version (NIV)

24 Gracious words are a honeycomb,

    sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

This morning, we were visitors at Velocity Church.  Never in a million years did I expect the message to speak to me the way it did.  The service was about trash talk and judging others.  The leading versus in this post were two of the versus that spoke to me most.

Ready for the life changing business?  The pastor spoke of bad mouthing each other and reducing the severity of our sins when compared to the people we struggle with forgiving.  All I could think of in this service was how I badly I trash talk and judge.  The kicker is, I bad mouth and trash talk MYSELF!  I am so ugly and hateful to myself that it makes me sick.  Say you are out with me and a stranger walked up and said to me, “You’re absolutely disgusting.  Your belly is huge, your face is wrinkled and broken out, you have no business being in public with how absolutely gross you are.  You are not worthy of love and acceptance.  You don’t deserve the life you lead.”  If you love me, you’d want to punch them in the face.  Some of you may actually punch them in the face.  And I’d be really pissed and offended and likely cry.  Guys these are the actual words that run through my head at times.  It’s sad isn’t it?  And how dare I think that way of God’s masterpiece!

Did you ever consider that every time we think ugly thoughts about ourselves or others that we are actually dissing God’s work.  What gives us such right?  I know I would NEVER stand before God and say “Dude you screwed that one up…you should’ve given her a flat belly and bangin body.”  You see, He already knows He’s given her the perfect body for her purpose.  He loves her exactly how she is!

So where does this come from?  How did we begin do develop such hatred for ourselves.  Typically we project that hatred onto others as well.  You can’t think negatively all day every day and be a positive person on the outside.  It’s impossible.  What’s in your mind and in your heart is projected in your daily actions to with those around you.

For me, self hatred started very young.  Growing up in a home with an alcoholic and an enabler made for really screwed up coping skills for me and a skewed view of myself.  I’m sure I felt like it was my fault if my parents couldn’t get along.  It was my fault if my sisters were fighting.  I remember many times trying to break them up so that my parents wouldn’t have to deal with them.  We’d all get in trouble for arguing, and I’d feel like a failure for not being able to control the situation.  It was like this for the first fourteen years of my life.  At age 14, my dad got sober.  He came back from rehab and was a totally different man than the one that left.  Suddenly he was semi-responsible.  (If you know my dad, you know being an actual adult is impossible for him, haha!)  He suddenly had rules and opinions and input.  It was really hard.  At that point, I was used to being the other mother and dad being another one of the kids.  I started binge eating to deal with it all at a very young age and struggled with weight for most of my life.  I remember going out with the family, and people saying how pretty my sisters were.  I remember someone saying “She’d be pretty if she lost some weight” while pointing to me.  Self hatred.  I only knew how to soothe that pain by downing sweets and junk and eating until I was numb.

As a teenager I searched for love in all the wrong places.  I gave the best parts of me to men who didn’t deserve it.  I never received the label as the town whore, but sure did deserve to.  How I didn’t wind up dead or with some life threatening disease is beyond me.  All I know is God surrounded me with His protective armor.  I’m sure He wept numerous times over my actions.  I remember getting up from these rendezvous and telling myself I didn’t deserve a relationship.  They only wanted me for sex because that’s all I was good for.  I was fat and disgusting and certainly didn’t deserve a real relationship with anyone.  I settled for men that were less than I deserved.  I paid their way because they couldn’t hold a job.  I drove them around because if they had a license, it was revoked.  Most didn’t graduate high school and most were headed for prison.  One night I was held at knife point and forced to drive my “boyfriend” to meet another girl at the mall.  And I was convinced THIS is the life God chose for me because I was nothing.  He must have some plan for me to keep these boys up for Him.

I finally started dating my first husband.  I know now that I married this man because he had a job and was nice enough so it was better than the alternative.  The self loathing continued into my marriage.  I wasn’t a good wife, he wasn’t a good husband.  At 320+ pounds, I decided enough was enough.  I found myself hiding in the pantry eating entire boxes of oatmeal pies and gorging on large combos every single day.   He couldn’t make me happy, as it was my job to do so.

I started my weight loss journey around 2014.  I started diving into WHY I accepted the things I did.  Why did I let myself turn to food?  Why was settling the best option?  Why didn’t I feel worthy???  Turns out, a lot of the story I just wrote is why.  And I certainly don’t blame my parents.  They were babies out of high school and did the best they could.  I blame myself for not asking for help first.  It’s my own fault I got in those dark places.  I knew it was wrong and I should’ve tried to figure it out then.

When you start a weight loss journey, however, the thoughts and bad habits don’t just stop because you decide to get fit.  You see I starved myself for a while and dropped 80 lbs and still couldn’t look myself in the eye in the mornings.  I looked and felt great, but mentally I just wasn’t there.  I found myself prey to a man that was supposed to be safe for me.  He was my youth pastor at on point, so I trusted him as someone I could confide in.  He found me online one night while my husband was sleeping and I was editing pictures.  Asked how I was doing and it was innocent chatter.  I thought I was really great.  I was the smallest size I’d ever been, and by the looks of my life I was living the American dream.  I was struggling though.  My uncle had committed suicide fairly recently, and I was mentally killing myself over it.  I felt very much at fault and had so many clues that it was going to happen, yet I did nothing.  My husband and I were arguing uncontrollably.  He couldn’t understand why I just wouldn’t get over the fact my uncle was dead.  I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t help me through the guilt of it.  So I confided in this person that was my “safety”.  He used my mental state against me.  Before I knew it, we were having an affair.  More self hatred.  More failure.  More self loathing.  Eventually my marriage fell completely apart.  Not because of the affair.  He never knew about it until now.  It was because of the fact we just couldn’t care for each other properly.  Our cultures and beliefs just wouldn’t allow it.  We were strangers sharing a home with a couple kids.  I asked him to leave 2/1/15.

I immediately started dating as my last 8 years were very lonely and basically I was single.  I found out I was pregnant with Liam 4/10/15.  Self hatred.  Self loathing.  How could I get pregnant knowing I’m still married?  How in the world did I find myself with two fathers now?!  I knew it was commonplace for this generation, but never did I think I’d be one to be in that position.  And at the time, the father of this baby was being murdered in court by his ex wife.  She wanted it all.  All I could think of was how could I do this to this poor man?!  I gave him an out.  I told him I’ve raised 3 by myself, and could surely raise another.  He was free to go, no strings attached.  Two years later, we are really living the dream.  But I still find myself hating me.  I have the best lover, the best husband, the best kids, yet I am still disgusted with me.  I still feel like I don’t deserve his love and that he can do so much better.

Back around November or so, I visited my doctor and asked for the diet pill that helped me before.  He responded with “You’ll never be thin.  You’ll never be successful by yourself.  You’ll never be able to lose weight.  Your only hope is weight loss surgery.”  When I tell you I came home and wanted to die….Lord I was devastated.  I tossed around the thought of weight loss surgery.  I thought this must be the answer and it’ll be a quick fix.  But at the end of the day, weight loss surgery doesn’t teach me to love me.  Being thin won’t make me happy with me.  So I became determined to change my heart and my mind.  I pray for God to help me love me like he does.  I make a conscious effort every day to actually look myself in the eye in the morning.  I try to make good decisions.  I try not to buy a lot of junk.  I try to avoid fast food.  I try to workout at least 3 times a week.  But most importantly, I try to be kind to me.  I’m learning that it’s ok to indulge once in a while.  It’s ok to find yourself attractive.  It’s ok to be in love with who you are.  My husband is a huge encourager.  And he holds me accountable when I talk ugly about myself.  It makes him really angry to hear me say the things I say and he rarely gets angry.

So today’s service was an eye opener.  God made me perfect in His image.  My prayer is to learn to love myself the way He does.  My prayer is for Him to use me as His vessel because I am WORTHY to be!  I pray to find the strength to forgive MYSELF for my bad decisions.  I pray to forgive myself for not turning to God in my times of need.  And I will forgive myself because I DO DESERVE love and I AM WORTHY.  And you know what else? So are YOU!!!  Stop shaming my beautiful friend, because God loves you dearly.  I love you dearly.  It kills me to hear you talk about my friend that way.  ❤

“If you take on someone else’s negativity, it’s because YOU forgot that you’re amazing.  It’s your responsibility to remember you are fabulous.” -RuPaul

In love,

Mama H

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He loves me, he loves me not. 

From Proverbs 31 Ministries: 

My efforts to change my husband weren’t working, so I asked God to change him for me!

God didn’t answer my prayers. Instead, He showed me my criticism towards my husband only made him feel inadequate as he started shutting down and becoming indifferent. I realized I was part of problem.

My husband needed me to be supportive and encouraging. He needed my prayers to build him up not tear him down. So, I started asking God to change me. And He did!
First, God helped me notice things I appreciate about my man. God also helped me hold my tongue when he did something I didn’t like or led in a way I didn’t want to follow.
Yep, my marriage-changing prayers became me-changing prayers, instead!
– Renee Swope
When my first marriage was failing, I turned to Proverbs 31. I kept hearing about being a Proverbs 31 wife and didn’t know what that meant exactly. This piece here really resonated with me. So I tried it. And God did change me!  I have applied this to so many situations in my life outside of marriage and the results have been phenomenal for me. So I do encourage you to try that prayer. But this post is a lovers post so let’s get back to that.

When my first marriage failed, my complaint was you don’t show me affection, you don’t date me, you don’t spend time with me. And I honestly did try to change all of that. It didn’t work out for us and that is unfortunate. I left that marriage convinced this is what happens. You sign the papers and it all falls apart. You’re roommates. I was totally against ever getting married again. Then Brett swooped into my life and rocked it like a hurricane. He was eager to marry. Eager to settle down. Eager to build a life together. I was TERRIFIED and fought him tooth and nail. I’d seen what marriage does to people and it was misery. Terribly lonely, loveless, boring, and miserable. No way was I signing up for that again. We were hot and heavy and life was exciting and I knew that piece of paper would end it all. I drug my feet filing for divorce because I knew I could say sure we can get married and not really commit. 

But he wanted more and I couldn’t keep dragging him along. He wanted me. All of me. And he wanted my last name to match his. So reluctantly I said yes. And it’s funny, because never once have I pictured my future without him in it. We’ve gone through some insanely tough battles amazingly well. It’s been incredibly easy even when life sucker punched us every time we’d get back up. So why was I so afraid??? I was afraid because I didn’t want the effort to stop. And I stressed that numerous times. Then it occurred to me….the effort doesn’t just fall on him. It’s my responsibility too. This is a union of two souls into one…we BOTH have to work. 

The effort to keep us in “new love” is great. It’s worth it, but it has to be a conscious decision every single day. I thought I’d share some tips to help you ladies out. I promise you it is reciprocated. It may take a brief moment for him to catch on, but he will get it and before you know it, he will change right before your eyes. 

  • Take him on a date….there’s nothing better than scheduling out some one on one time. And it doesn’t even have to be expensive. Call grandma to babysit, hit a drive through and drive up to watch the sunset on bald rock. On your way back down, turn off into a secluded place and make out like teenagers. He will LOVE it. 
  • Compliment him…he needs to hear it just as much as we do. And mean it. When my husband really gets into something and is concentrating, I find him INSANELY SEXY. And I tell him so while I kiss his neck. Or when he’s telling me about his day I like to interrupt and say “gah you are the hottest thing I’ve ever seen!” And he is! Notice him and all his sexiness. Remember to see the things that made you fall for him and tell him about it. 
  • Seduce him….you don’t even have to be comfortable with sex and seduction for this one. It’s simple. My husband loves Star Wars. It’s no secret that I DESPISE it. But it’s a big thing right now and I stumbled upon some Star Wars panties with sexy black lace lining them. I picked them up and wore them with a black bra while I got ready. Just walking around the room did the trick. He pulled me in closer to see what was on the underwear and bam. Mission accomplished. 
  • Pick his brain…get to know him again. Ask him about his hopes and dreams. Where does he see himself in ten years? What did he want to be when he grew up? Did he picture the life your living as to how married life would or should be? What would he do to change it if he could? What are his greatest strengths? What are his greatest weaknesses? What does he love most about being your husband? These kinds of questions open up a great conversation as well as teach you how to love him better. Asking how was your day is always met with short responses and eventually distance is created. 
  • Give him the sexy “I want you” look often….remember when you were trying to win him and you gave him “that look”?  He misses that just as much as you miss getting it. It’s a look that makes him feel like the greatest man in the world and it’s needed. 
  • Take care of yourself…give him a reason to want to pursue you. We all get lazy. With leggings and active wear on the fashion trend rise, it’s getting worse. There was a time when he likely never saw you without makeup. There was a time when all of your lady bits were perfectly groomed in case he saw you naked. We’d never in a million years left the house in our mom clothes to meet him for drinks when we were dating. So do those things again. He’s gotten lazy because you have. There’s nothing better than wearing a pair of jeans that shapes your booty perfectly and then he’s grabbing it or popping it all night. He can’t keep his hands off. 
  • Forgive him…he’s made mistakes. You both have. Maybe your heart was shattered into a million pieces at some point. Maybe he made you cry so deeply that you wanted to die. For some reason you didn’t and you stayed by his side. Let go of what hurt you and wipe his slate clean. Holding onto the bitterness and pain will ultimately destroy you. It robs him of the opportunity to make it right if you don’t start fresh. So forgive him and start over together. Figure out how you BOTH messed up, how you BOTH can mend the broken hearts, and how you BOTH can love again. 
  • Make sure he is FIRST…life is busy and crazy. We get so wrapped up in getting our lists done that we seldom have time left to be his sexy wife. I was guilty of putting my kids first in my first marriage. I will never do that again. Don’t mistake what I’m saying here…my kids are taken care of. But I have no problem stealing away 10 minutes to lock the door for a juicy make out sesh. Letting the baby cry it out for a minute so I can tend to my husband. Pausing a conversation amongst friends to kiss my husband and tell him how much I love him. Scheduling just us time during the week. Making love as often as humanly possible. These things are imperative. 

Brett and I are working on three years together. I know that’s nothing to you seasoned veterans and I admire your ability to be together for so long. I think we are on the right track to being seasoned veterans someday. I can tell you that my love for him goes beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined. Our connection is so strong that we physically need each other. And I truly believe it’s because we do the work. Happy loving friends. 
Mama H 

Fact or Fiction? Who really cares?

Recently I wrote about Charlie Hunnam and his dislike for social media.  He is totally against it, and his quote really struck me.  So I thought this would be a great one to write about tonight.  The quote that got17904099_10209107375866451_8244057729912478485_n to me was this, “I think it’s (social media) is incredibly corruptive of our ability to just live without judgment, which is clearly the path to happiness.”  Picking that sentence apart, living without judgment is the path to happiness.   After reading this, I thought I’d share my real life, raw, crap stuff and show you how it correlates with my posts on social media.

Easter weekend, we were invited to the beach with my parents and stayed in a swanky looking condo.  It was beautiful and the kids, who got there before me, were so excited to show me our “new house”.  By the looks of Facebook, everyone looked so full of joy and the place we stayed in looked like it cost a pretty penny or several!  What you DIDN’T see on Facebook was the total meltdown that my children had the week before that left us all sobbing in Mimi’s living room floor.  That story will not be shared, as it’s their personal lives, but know that it was a very traumatizing experience for all of us.  They’re ok and we rose from it all very well, however it was one of the moments a mom is supposed to always protect her children from.  It was a moment that reminds you just how hard it is to be a divorced family.  It was heart wrenching and they were incredibly broken.  Not to mention just a week before, my daughter and I had the conversation about her self hatred.  So it’s been a steady snowball of emotions and hard life lessons piling on them and it finally reached it’s max.  Which is how we ended up on Mimi’s floor in a huge puddle of tears trying to pull ourselves together.  The next day Mimi called me up and said “Let’s go to the beach.  My timeshare is open and I want to get these kids outta here for a little while, they need a break.”  Knowing I was going out of town the following weekend, it definitely was not in my budget, but Mimi refused to take no for an answer.   So we piled down at the beach and renewed our minds and souls.

Meanwhile, internet trolls are looking at my Facebook in total disgust because I’m vacationing every weekend.  Little did they know my kids fell apart.  Little did they know that Jamaica was booked nearly a year ago and paid in payments.  Little did they know that I gave up the fairy tale wedding so that I could honeymoon in Jamaica instead.  See how that festered for them and the things they saw were not truly reality?

You see, no one is going to post their real stuff.  I mean some post all of their business, but it isn’t the raw nitty gritty stuff that gets them to the point they’re at.  I’m not going to post on social media how I have a breakdown at least monthly (and that’s being generous, it’s probably more than monthly) because I feel like a failure in everything I do.  I have moments that I think I totally suck as a mom….the weeks before the beach were extremely hard on me and how I felt as a mother.  I’m not going to post that there are some weeks I only have two haircuts booked all week and I’m TERRIFIED of how we will get through.  I’m not going to post how I go through depression and anxiety that has kept me locked in the house for weeks.  I’m not going to post any of those things for several reasons….for one, my pride makes it hard to admit.  Two, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  I could share all my hardships and some would appreciate it, some would find inspiration in it, and some will tell me how I shouldn’t post all of my business on Facebook.  So I save the real stuff for my circle, because I want positivity on my feed.  Here I am, being judged for every single move I make no matter what I do.

Then you have the ones passing the judgment.  And we all do it.  We see a homeless man on the street corner and immediately snub our nose at the “bum”.  He’s begging for money and should get a job.  We snub our nose at the single mom paying for groceries with EBT while carrying a Michael Kors bag.  We scoff at our friends with shiny new toys because they should’ve paid a debt instead.  We roll our eyes in disgust at the girl who wore her pants “too short” or top “too tight” and make rude comments.

Do you realize what all that judgment is doing to your insides?  We go on a rant on social media about how crappy the world is and get everyone riled up about it.  Meanwhile, this anger and disgust not only takes so much more energy than loving someone would, but it also does NOTHING to solve the problem.  The homeless man maybe could use a shower and clean outfit to land the job.  The mom using EBT very well could’ve bought that bag at Goodwill.  I’ve bought my own from there.  We aren’t responsible for our friends new payments or old debts, so why not be happy?  And you could just as easily turn your head from the girl in clothes you don’t approve of.  When you fight with love and grace instead of judgment and distaste, you will ALWAYS win.

I don’t read much in the Bible, but I’m pretty sure Jesus loves all the people you’re so disgusted with.  And if you’re Christian, it’s commanded that you do as well.  While you’re so busy judging what you think is reality, you’re showing people just how crappy Christians really are.  I know I’d have a hard time following a God that had these kinda people as His followers.

At the end of the day, we are all just doing the best we can.  There is no handbook on this crap.  There’s no right or wrong way (provided you’re not like pushing meth or something).  But we can all be right.  We can all love one another and help the other guy out.  And if he takes advantage? That’s on him to live with….you lose nothing by being a good person.  The ones that take advantage always lose in the end.  Always.

So quit living as if Facebook is reality.  It most definitely is not.  Not for anyone that uses it.  If you’re concerned with a way someone is living, ask them out of love.  Don’t post your passive aggressive attacks and get all the rioters ready to stone someone.  IT SOLVES NOTHING.  Love always wins.  Every single time.  You may not see it or believe it, but it does.  The ones that focus on good, positive and lovely things are the ones that are happier and more fulfilled.  No matter where they live or what they own.

Philipians 4:8 Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Look what you do to yourself. 

Ready to see what this social experiment is all about?  I really like to follow trends in fashion. Right now, rompers are huge. I think they’re so cute and comfy looking and I’ve been dying to try one out. A friend gave me one that was pants and I wore it very nervously. After all, everything I work so hard to cover is not hidden by baggy shirts or layers.  Turns out I hated it mostly because I couldn’t pee without an assistant. Thankfully Brett was there to hold my hand. So now here comes summer….flowy short rompers are everywhere! And I want it so bad! 

Yesterday I asked Brett to take me to Torrid. There were several rompers and most of them were very bold, loud prints. I found an off white one that was semi tame and excitedly put it on. Man was I bummed when I turned around. It was not a good look on me at all and I was so disappointed. After trying other things on that were much more flattering, I headed to the register when this blue piece caught my eye. I had to try it on. I reluctantly came out of the dressing room and before I could nit pick myself to death, Brett looked at me wide eyed and said “that looks great baby!”  Immediately my reservations dissipated and I decided to rock the hell out of this romper. 

When we were headed home, I was thinking of all the things I hated about myself in the outfit and how my husband didn’t notice a single one of them. It made me wonder who really does notice the things I hate? So I turned to my great friends on Facebook and asked their opinion. Do you know not ONE SINGLE “flaw” I have was pointed out. Matter of fact, my legs were one of the first things I frowned at. Flabby knees, cellulite, jiggly thighs…I was disgusted. But I had many comments about what great legs I have. What?!?! I won’t list the other things I hate because if you haven’t noticed it’s silly to draw attention at this point and I obviously need to stop beating myself up over it.  But most of the negative points were the print of the outfit. Not me. 

Here’s the thing. Someone has told us we should be ashamed of our bodies. Someone has some unwritten guideline as to who is allowed to wear what. Someone has drilled it into our heads that we are imperfect and don’t deserve to be free. Who the hell is this someone?! Who said a plus size girl can’t wear a romper and be happy in it? Why does that someone get to make the rules over MY life??? Why am I giving some invisible being that kind of power over me? It’s time we stop that immediately. I was sad to see how many girls said “I wish I could wear that.” 

So how do you get past it? I don’t know. I know for me, I ask my husband to pick clothes for me. And no matter what I see in the mirror, I go with his response.  He’s been brutally honest at times so I know he won’t let me look silly. But I strive to get the excited response from him. The one that makes me feel like a goddess. So if 100 people tell me I look like shit, I know I go home and my husband can’t wait to rip my clothes off.  At the end of the day his opinion is the only one that matters to me. 

What if you don’t have a significant other? How do you get past that then? Surround yourself with people who are positive and cheering for you. I walk in the door at work and these girls compliment something about me every single day. And we do that because we love each other. We lift each other up. We want the other to be happy. 

If you don’t have friends or relatives in your circle building you up and supporting you then definitely find a new circle. Stop letting “someone” determine your life and your happiness. Surround yourself with positivity and love. And if you can’t, BE positivity and love. If you see someone out that’s heavy and wearing a romper, give them a mental high five for daring to live without rules. Ignore how the outfit looks on them. That person is bravely fighting a war against social acceptability and a war to love ourselves. And they may not even know it!!!

Y’all I stress this stuff so greatly because at NINE years old my daughter has expressed her own self hatred. My heart shattered into a million pieces. She’s a baby for one. For two, she got that directly from me. What the hell kind of lesson in life is that for her??? It’s time all of us band together and love ourselves. Love each other. Raise a generation that can confidently say “f*ck someone and their rules because I’m happy being me”. 

Now go buy the romper. 

You have the power to choose….

Recently I’ve been reflecting on choices. One I struggle the most with is emotions. Did you know you actually CHOOSE what emotions you respond with? You choose to love, choose to be happy, choose to be sad. Your entire life and the reponses you make are your own choice. 

I worked a corporate job in healthcare for many years. I was really happy with the actual job I did, but I was miserable every where else. Eventually I chose to leave, go to school and pursue a career in the beauty industry. It was the scariest damn thing I’ve ever done. 

Shortly after, I found myself miserable with myself. My weight was out of control. I chose to do something about it. And in that I found myself. I learned how strong I really am in that journey. I realized I was settling for less than I deserve in many aspects of my life. So I chose to find happiness. 

In that I realized that being happy is a choice. I looked around me and found that everything in my house was a purchase made to make me happy and it failed. I had to choose to find the good around me and be happy with it for myself. After all, it was all something I once wanted. I learned that I am most happy when I’m loving Amber first. I set aside 30 minutes a day to love Amber  enough to work out. I cooked the foods that made Amber healthy and happy. I stopped living for everyone else.  You see most often as moms, we take care of everyone else first. Job, husband, kids. And at the end of the day we are left exhausted and burned out. So I chose happiness. Ultimately, it lead to the demise of my marriage. When I started living for me too, I realized how unhappy I was. So I chose to leave.  Now I choose to love and be loved freely. Now don’t get me wrong….this isn’t a dump your husband kind of post. Mine wasn’t willing to be receptive to my new life. And that’s ok. Our cultures were too different. My now husband encourages my selfish time. He eats my healthy foods and is totally supportive of me choosing happiness. Can you see that effect for him? The things I do make me happier and more confident. Imagine the wife he gets to come home to. 

So with happiness comes choosing love. You choose who you love and how you love them. I can wake up every day, throw a pop kiss at my husband and go about my day. After several mornings of this, we begin to come distant from each other. I was guilty of that in marriage one. I got to a point that I was avoiding him all together. Now I choose differently. I run to my husband when he gets home from work. I kiss him passionately like we did when we dated as often as possible. I grab his butt. I choose to love and pursue him daily. But it’s an active choice and work that is made daily. Not that it’s hard to love him, because that is false. But it is work to show him daily just how much I love him. And ladies when I love him fiercely, he reciprocates with surprise jewelry, love notes, candle light dinners….he’s loved so well that he gives it back. “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Anger. We choose that too. When I was messaged about my morals and financial obligations while in Jamaica I was FURIOUS. Stupidly I messaged her back and unloaded on her. Then she blew me back up. In that moment I realized I can choose to be pissed, or I can choose to let it go. What do I gain from being angry? I gain a bad attitude and a ruined vacation. People will think what they want to think. Ultimately, my response is the only thing that affects my life. 

Jealousy. We choose how we react to other people’s happiness. It’s easy to choose jealousy and struggle with how it’s not fair. I remember a time when my sister drove a Lexus. She traded it in for a new Jeep and I was sick with jealousy. It wasn’t fair. I was the oldest and should’ve been driving fancy cars. I stole her happiness with a simple “that’s nice” response and that was such an asshole thing to do. While in Jamaica, my morals were questioned when it was assumed we live on government assistance while taking lavish trips. Pure jealousy made these people act out and it nearly stole my happiness. Today my best friend proudly told me about her new car. I’m also looking for a new car so that tinge of jealousy was there. I CHOSE to be happy for her instead and celebrate WITH her. And I genuinely am so happy for her! I’m not sitting here stewing over how the hell she can afford it. My day wasn’t ruined because she gained. My heart was a little more full bc I love her and want her to be happy. 

In closing I will say that I choose to work on myself every day. Either with a workout or a pint of ice cream. I choose to love my husband so fiercely that he feels like it’s our first date as often as possible. I choose to not let anger and jealousy determine my present state of mind. I hope you learn to start choosing happiness. It starts within yourself. It starts with training your mind and loving YOURSELF. We can work on it together. ❤️
Much Love,

Mama H 

Confessions from a mom, hairdresser, wife, and all around badass. 

This is the post excerpt.

I’m sitting in an airport wondering what the hell kind of wisdom I can pass on to people. People watching…Facebooking….annoying my husband all to make the time pass. So I think my first post should be about patience, positivity and good vibes. 
While in Jamaica, we were on an absolutely stunning piece of property with the best food and alcohol constantly surrounding us. I remember being at a breakfast buffet one morning wth at least 50 items to choose from and an eager staff willing to create anything you could desire if the items available weren’t your taste.  An older lady walked around huffing and puffing because she couldn’t eat one single thing on that bar. Not one. All I could think is we are in freaking paradise and she’s miserable. How incredibly sad. So I took from this experience to live intentionally positive. Now it’s not always easy and I fail constantly. But do you know how much sweeter life is if you smile at every person you pass? If you speak to the person standing beside you and compliment them in some way? I love to build up other women especially. We are in such a hate driven world and our biggest enemy is ourselves. So I challenge you to make an intentional effort to make someone smile the next time you’re in public. Examples of such compliments could be “your outfit is hot!” “I love your earrings” “man you smell nice!” And do so with a smile. You will notice that not only did you make someone else’s day, but it’s impossible not to be in a great mood when you do. 
Much love always,

Mama H