I share my life with Facebook and blogs. It has positive rewards to doing so, but comes with a lot of negativity too. Recently I shared our new puppy joy and I was hesitant to do so. Something that makes me so happy is quickly met with negative feedback and made me feel insecure in my decision. MY decision. Isn’t that funny how that works? Let me give you some examples of how life has turned me into an anxiety ridden insecure mom, woman, and wife.
I met Brett and suddenly here comes Liam. I was faced with “just what you need is another baby”, “how are you going to be able to take care of another kid”, “what will people say?” All of these remarks made me totally insecure…how the hell was I going to make this happen?! I was already raising three kids alone. But it happened and we made it work.
I decided to marry Brett. “You sure this is a good idea?” “Look at his past”. “Look at YOUR past”. This is never gonna work. Now I’m questioning my decision to marry my soulmate.
We rent a townhouse. “This is a horrible neighborhood”. “I don’t want my child there”. “How do you live in a place like this?” “Why aren’t you getting out of here”. Well it was what we could afford at the time. And Brookside was good to us. The staff was great, we didn’t have issues with our neighbors. It was a place to call home that wasn’t my parents address.
We take our honeymoon to Jamaica. “How can you afford THAT?!” “Must be nice to be able to take a lavish trip like that”. “Where do you get all of this money?” “What kind of mother leaves their baby behind for a week?” Now I’m a long plane ride away questioning my qualifications as a mother.
Buy a house. “My God that’s far away.” “How can you afford that?!” “What kind of Mom moves her kids that far away at the end of the school year”. Geez…is it too far? How will I make this payment? Are my kids scarred for life???
Puppy. “Just what you need is another mouth to feed”. “There goes your carpet.” “Poor Maddie is gonna get forgotten.” Great. Did I make a mistake? What about Maddie?? Can we afford this?
Society has gotten to a place where people freely give their opinion no matter the consequences. Doing so has created a community of people wondering how the hell they’re surviving or if they will make it through another day. Sometimes I have to sit down and give myself a good pep talk….
1) my children are very well taken care of
2) we’ve asked NO ONE to help pay our bills
3) sometimes money is tight and we CAN’T afford things. Sometimes it’s not.
4) our situation will never compare to someone else’s bc we live totally different lives.
5) we’ve worked our asses off for every single purchase we’ve ever made and it’s no ones business if we can afford it or not.
My advice if you’re struggling with insecurity? Stop worrying about what people think. Most times their questions come from the fact THEY can’t afford to do the things you’re doing so it’s impossible to see how someone else can. Often times people would rather complain about their situation than change it. So it is what it is.
The challenge here? Try and catch yourself when someone is sharing their joy with you. Are you responding out of love or jealousy? Is your thought going to help that person in any way? Think before you speak. If we all work together to start celebrating each other then maybe some insecurities will start to be buried! Every person you meet is on a different journey than you. It may be similar, but it’s different nonetheless. Celebrate with your friends in their joy. It is ok!!!
Ps. I share my life with you all to inspire. I’m not trying to brag or be boastful. I am very proud of what we have worked for but not naive to the fact that it could all be gone tomorrow. Take it for that. Not for a weapon to use against me.
PPS we are working on budgeting. If you’re in a place that you would like to be on a budget and would like a partner for accountability, hit me up! I’ve found budgeting is like dieting and accountability helps in both scenarios! It is my goal to have a Maserati and pay my house off. I’m staying focused!
I love you all. I hope you enjoy reading about this crazy Helmbrecht life!