Being a divorced mom married to a divorced dad has been an adventure that is not for the faint of heart. It has taught me many things. We are just winging it really, but continuously have issues arise. I’d like to share my point of view.
Moms. Being a mom is the almost the toughest job on the planet. Being a working mom is even harder. When you add in being a single working mom, it’s nearly impossible. But we do what we have to do to get by. What I don’t understand is how moms refuse to share the responsibility. Now I am a mom with an ex husband. I would love nothing more than for him to step up. Spend time with his kids. It is very rare that I tell him no if he wants them. You see, these kids wouldn’t be here without him. I no more “own these kids” than he does. They’re not just mine. Yet most moms view the children as “mine” and going to dads is equivalent to going to spend the night with a friend. I’m begging for my ex husband to get these kids once in a while, yet begging the ex wife for more time with the other kid. It shouldn’t be this way. It should really be equal. I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it’s a fight on either side. It’s insane. Back off a little moms. Give the guy a little room to breathe so he can have a fair chance at being a dad.
Dads. Guys you need to do some thinking. Your ex wife is robbing you blind in child support. You never get to see your kids. She’s just a controlling bitch all the time. Right? Well think about this. Your ex has to house those children you created. She likely has to work to survive. She has bills to pay too and undoubtedly they pertain to YOUR children. Child support helps cover that. The food your kids eat. The roof over their head. That shouldn’t fall on her shoulders alone. It surely doesn’t cover the middle of the night vomit all over the bed. The seemingly endless doctors visits. The clothes that they constantly need because they grow so fast. It doesn’t cover lost time at work because someone got sick at school. It doesn’t cover consoling heartbroken children. And not that moms should be paid to do that, but moms are breaking their backs to raise these kids while you get every other weekend. She’s controlling because she’s trying to raise good humans that succeed in this crap world. Seeing them every other weekend hardly constitutes a say in their schedule. But you deserve a say! Have you considered doing things semi close to her way to keep the schedule on track? I know I’ve only asked my kids go to bed earlier on school nights and they get a shower. Neither of which happen. I’m the bad guy.
If we could be mature enough to set our differences aside and focus on parenting children like mature adults, our kids would go so much further in this world. We have the opportunity to teach them such great lessons in this divorced blended life, yet we don’t. They could learn patience, acceptance, how to deal with change, how to deal with chaos, love, and compromise. All are valuable lessons. But most of us are too hard headed and focused on what’s in it for ourselves to be able to move forward. I encourage you to step back and see what you could bend on to make the lives of our kids better. I’m sure you won’t regret it, and neither would they!