Recently the children have been a common topic of discussion in our spats. I am drowning. They all have doctors appointments during the week, I’m supposed to be working out, cleaning house, cooking meals, doing laundry, spending quality time, and working. And it is HARD. Juggling it all is insanely hard. My husband wants to fix it and I wish he could.
Here’s the thing husbands. Sometimes issues are not so black and white. You see, I’m drowning bc my heart is breaking for the 7 year old that’s struggling with her relationship with her dad. I’m drowning because I’m the one holding the screaming 5 year old down while he has a filling put in. I’m drowining bc I didn’t make sure he flossed well enough to prevent the cavity. I’m drowning bc I want my 1 year old to hug and kiss me and instead he screams and slaps me in the face. I’m drowning bc I’m so overwhelmed with decisions and responsibilities that I take out my frustrations on my kids. I’m drowning bc I know they’re holding that burden and I know I hurt their feelings when I lose my cool. I’m drowning bc I smell pee in my house and I know it’s bc someone wet the bed and didn’t tell me. I’m drowning bc my kids are old enough to not be wetting the bed and yet here we are. I’m drowning bc my house is a freaking mess and I don’t have the energy or even care to clean it.
So it’s not a simple fix fellas. The things that are eating her alive are things that can’t be changed overnight. Her anxiety and mood swings are because she’s living in a world where she’s supposed to be the perfect mom and she feels like she’s failing. Her kids are not behaving like everyone feels like they should and that’s a direct reflection on her. Her house isn’t put together like the magazines and she feels like it should be. She’s overwhelmed with what society and social media say she should have accomplished and she’s failing. It’s not just the kids. It’s not just the dishes in the sink. It’s the monsters inside of her constantly reminding her that she’s failing.
And to the strangers that feel the need to speak up to the mom with the screaming kid…she’s beating herself up enough. No mom wants to be THAT mom in Walmart. We are in an era where everyone wants to video the struggle of a stranger rather than show her compassion. Just let her be. Recording it and/or adding your two cents only makes it worse for her.
I never knew how hard this would be. Especially after a divorce. Being the sole caretaker of these children is the heaviest load I’ve ever had to bear. While I wouldn’t trade a single one of them, it doesn’t make it easy. It’s a horrible job. It’s never ending. And my Lord I’m so sick of hearing “it’s not my fault you have 6 kids”. Well even with one kid it’s hard. Everything we say and do shapes and molds them for LIFE. That’s a lot of pressure. It’s not the fact that being with six kids is hard. They’re great kids and it’s really not hard. What’s hard is watching them hurt. What’s hard is being the one that has to say no. It’s hard to be the one to explain why daddy isn’t coming. It’s hard to explain why daddy isn’t doing like he should. THAT’S what’s miserable about parenting.
So mamas give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve gotten through another day. Hopefully it was smooth sailing for you. You’re the glue that’s holding the family together even when you feel like it’s falling apart. That job wasn’t created for the weak. So keep your head up. Let the kid throw his fit and shop like he isn’t there. Know that even though your kid is freaking out at the dentist, your touch is the only one that makes him feel secure. And if your kid is struggling with a relationship in her life, love her enough to compensate for it and get her the therapy she needs to deal with it.
Someone needs to hear this…YOU ARE A GREAT MAMA. No one could love your children like you do, and they need that love.
“Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.”
— Ephesians 2:19-22