Recently I’ve been reflecting on choices. One I struggle the most with is emotions. Did you know you actually CHOOSE what emotions you respond with? You choose to love, choose to be happy, choose to be sad. Your entire life and the reponses you make are your own choice.
I worked a corporate job in healthcare for many years. I was really happy with the actual job I did, but I was miserable every where else. Eventually I chose to leave, go to school and pursue a career in the beauty industry. It was the scariest damn thing I’ve ever done.
Shortly after, I found myself miserable with myself. My weight was out of control. I chose to do something about it. And in that I found myself. I learned how strong I really am in that journey. I realized I was settling for less than I deserve in many aspects of my life. So I chose to find happiness.
In that I realized that being happy is a choice. I looked around me and found that everything in my house was a purchase made to make me happy and it failed. I had to choose to find the good around me and be happy with it for myself. After all, it was all something I once wanted. I learned that I am most happy when I’m loving Amber first. I set aside 30 minutes a day to love Amber enough to work out. I cooked the foods that made Amber healthy and happy. I stopped living for everyone else. You see most often as moms, we take care of everyone else first. Job, husband, kids. And at the end of the day we are left exhausted and burned out. So I chose happiness. Ultimately, it lead to the demise of my marriage. When I started living for me too, I realized how unhappy I was. So I chose to leave. Now I choose to love and be loved freely. Now don’t get me wrong….this isn’t a dump your husband kind of post. Mine wasn’t willing to be receptive to my new life. And that’s ok. Our cultures were too different. My now husband encourages my selfish time. He eats my healthy foods and is totally supportive of me choosing happiness. Can you see that effect for him? The things I do make me happier and more confident. Imagine the wife he gets to come home to.
So with happiness comes choosing love. You choose who you love and how you love them. I can wake up every day, throw a pop kiss at my husband and go about my day. After several mornings of this, we begin to come distant from each other. I was guilty of that in marriage one. I got to a point that I was avoiding him all together. Now I choose differently. I run to my husband when he gets home from work. I kiss him passionately like we did when we dated as often as possible. I grab his butt. I choose to love and pursue him daily. But it’s an active choice and work that is made daily. Not that it’s hard to love him, because that is false. But it is work to show him daily just how much I love him. And ladies when I love him fiercely, he reciprocates with surprise jewelry, love notes, candle light dinners….he’s loved so well that he gives it back. “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free” -Thich Nhat Hanh
Anger. We choose that too. When I was messaged about my morals and financial obligations while in Jamaica I was FURIOUS. Stupidly I messaged her back and unloaded on her. Then she blew me back up. In that moment I realized I can choose to be pissed, or I can choose to let it go. What do I gain from being angry? I gain a bad attitude and a ruined vacation. People will think what they want to think. Ultimately, my response is the only thing that affects my life.
Jealousy. We choose how we react to other people’s happiness. It’s easy to choose jealousy and struggle with how it’s not fair. I remember a time when my sister drove a Lexus. She traded it in for a new Jeep and I was sick with jealousy. It wasn’t fair. I was the oldest and should’ve been driving fancy cars. I stole her happiness with a simple “that’s nice” response and that was such an asshole thing to do. While in Jamaica, my morals were questioned when it was assumed we live on government assistance while taking lavish trips. Pure jealousy made these people act out and it nearly stole my happiness. Today my best friend proudly told me about her new car. I’m also looking for a new car so that tinge of jealousy was there. I CHOSE to be happy for her instead and celebrate WITH her. And I genuinely am so happy for her! I’m not sitting here stewing over how the hell she can afford it. My day wasn’t ruined because she gained. My heart was a little more full bc I love her and want her to be happy.
In closing I will say that I choose to work on myself every day. Either with a workout or a pint of ice cream. I choose to love my husband so fiercely that he feels like it’s our first date as often as possible. I choose to not let anger and jealousy determine my present state of mind. I hope you learn to start choosing happiness. It starts within yourself. It starts with training your mind and loving YOURSELF. We can work on it together. ❤️