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Confessions from a mom, hairdresser, wife, and all around badass. 

This is the post excerpt.

I’m sitting in an airport wondering what the hell kind of wisdom I can pass on to people. People watching…Facebooking….annoying my husband all to make the time pass. So I think my first post should be about patience, positivity and good vibes. 
While in Jamaica, we were on an absolutely stunning piece of property with the best food and alcohol constantly surrounding us. I remember being at a breakfast buffet one morning wth at least 50 items to choose from and an eager staff willing to create anything you could desire if the items available weren’t your taste.  An older lady walked around huffing and puffing because she couldn’t eat one single thing on that bar. Not one. All I could think is we are in freaking paradise and she’s miserable. How incredibly sad. So I took from this experience to live intentionally positive. Now it’s not always easy and I fail constantly. But do you know how much sweeter life is if you smile at every person you pass? If you speak to the person standing beside you and compliment them in some way? I love to build up other women especially. We are in such a hate driven world and our biggest enemy is ourselves. So I challenge you to make an intentional effort to make someone smile the next time you’re in public. Examples of such compliments could be “your outfit is hot!” “I love your earrings” “man you smell nice!” And do so with a smile. You will notice that not only did you make someone else’s day, but it’s impossible not to be in a great mood when you do. 
Much love always,

Mama H

Washing my hands of religion. 

I remember being a teenager and chatting late one night with a friend of mine. We were half joking but there was a lot of truth to our words. We joked about how mean God was. How he seemed to be spiteful and unforgiving. How we didn’t understand why we couldn’t commit the sin then just go ask for forgiveness. Mainly we were dumb teenagers. But I’d grown up hearing that every bad thing I’d do would condemn me to hell. It left me wondering if hell was really such a bad place. Seems like that’s where all the fun people got to go. Heaven was for squares. 

It took me a while to learn about this whole God thing. Turns out it’s religion that’s screwing it all up. I had my first child and it started to make sense. She was perfect in every way. My second child made things even more clear. If you have children or a pet that you love like a child, this analogy will make perfect sense. As your kids grow, they begin to spread their wings. With that comes their mistakes. Mine are still pretty young, but I imagine that no matter what kind of hurt they bring me, my heart will always overflow for them. That’s where the “aha” moment came in. No matter how big my sin, God still loves me. What’s even crazier? He created me KNOWING full well I’d break His heart thousands of times. He knew I’d sleep with many partners searching for love when I should’ve been searching for Him. He knew I’d have an affair. He knew every lie I’d ever tell, every time I didn’t love someone properly, every time I’d disrespect my parents. He knew every single sin before I’d ever been a speck in my mothers womb…yet He still thought the world needed one of me. That’s the part that’s most impressive to me. But it’s the same with my children. I brought them into this world knowing they’d fail my expectations in some way at some point, yet I brought them here anyway. And I could never turn my back on them. As for pets, my idiot dog has chewed three expensive pairs of shoes and too many of my outfits. But I love her despite it. I wouldn’t be able to condemn her to the pound and walk out. It’d crush me. 

But I thought we were giving up religion? Definitely. You see, I believe we were put here on this earth to be disciples of Jesus. Jesus who sat with lepers, hung out with whores, broke bread with the baddest of the bad. And I don’t think he’d have had such a following if he sat down with a whore and said “you better get your life together bc God is MAAAAAD at YOU and you’re going straight to hell.” Just can’t see the crowd falling for that. Instead he showed love and compassion to the unloveable bc God loved the unloveable. So that leaves me to believe that maybe, just maybe, God sent us the unloveable to teach us. How many times do you see a Christian look down on a homeless person and loathe them for their bad decisions? How many Christians have turned the homosexual community away from their church? How many Christians scare you into believing bc God is a condemning vengeful God? I’m sure there is a bible verse you can point out to me that proves God doesn’t like whatever more than once in the Bible. But what if we stopped throwing the rules around and just loved and cared for people in a genuine way? I can tell you personally that I’ve been doomed for hell many times in my life. Yet the love of God has been felt so strongly and has been so clear to me that I know He’s not sending me to hell. It’d break His heart. Because it’d break my heart to turn my back on one of my babies. 

I know you’re passionate in your readings and interpretations, But that kind of condemning isn’t selling your product. I’d hear these people speak and think geez God is a jerk. No way I’m following that guy. But he’s not. He’s a very loving God and wants what’s best for us. And that’s pretty great.  Yea, we should try and follow the rules…but he knows we will fail most of them. And he’s ok with that bc he’s your daddy and he loves you. 
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (KJV)
For the record, that verse clearly states WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH. Not whosoever follows every rule in the Bible and condemns his brother for failing. Just tossing that out there. ❤️😘
In love,

Mama H

How I’m surviving divorce….

No one prepares you for divorce.  The emotions that come along with it can be overwhelming in itself. If you throw in children to the mix, it’s even more intense…or so I assume. See, I wanted the divorce. He was perfectly happy living the life we lead. I was lonely and tired of doing everything by myself. So I said go. It was a huge decision that was equally terrifying and freeing. Now I had to make sure I could really do it on my own. It came as no surprise when I realized things were really no different for me. I moved on rather quickly. I was building a new life while dealing with the legal part of the old life. Finally it was time for the final hearing. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with sadness. The funny thing is I wanted it more than anything….why was I so sad??? Well it was really going to be over. No turning back. I was sad because that book ended. I was sad because I failed so miserably. I was sad for my kids. I was sad for him. I cried a lot that week. My new future husband was insanely supportive. I told him he better be sure because I will never ever go through divorce again. Standing in front of the judge was so scary. Here’s the thing, I didn’t fail the marriage. Two people with different views and goals failed. It’s ok to be sad that the story ended. A new one always begins. 

So we got through. The hard part was over. Or was it? Turns out it was just beginning. Things have changed dramatically…we’ve moved, added a baby, and daddy doesn’t get to come around as often. As their mom, I feel their pain. But sometimes I put feelings onto them that they never really had. Sometimes I expect that they’re hurt by something dad has done or hasn’t done and I prepare so well to be able to love them through it, and they’re totally fine. 

The truth of the matter is, they miss him but they really just want to know that they’re safe somewhere. I decided to stop making them choose. I decided to stop trying to win the competition. I decided to let them form their own opinion of the situation. So here’s what I’ve discovered in this experiment. 

1) There is a sense of relief at not having to choose what house is better, what parent is better, what life is better. They can go to either home and just be. At least here they can. They’re not anxious about picking the right answer. 

2) They know where they can find stability. Mom and Mr. Daddy (their new term of endearment for my husband) are always here. Always present. Always consistent. They also realized on their own that mom and Mr. Daddy spend quality time and they crave more. 

3) By not guilting them or making them choose, the lines of communication have been blown wide open. They come to me or my husband with questions, concerns, or just seeking support. They know we are open and honest and they’re safe here. 

Those are a few of the most noticeable differences. I also stopped trying to control the things outside of my home. The rules at dads are significantly different than at moms. But that’s for him to deal with. I don’t give him a list of rules to follow except typical bathe, feed, homework, school on time. I trust that he will keep them safe, so he is free to take them wherever and introduce whomever he pleases. What business is it of mine? As long as my children’s safety isn’t jeopardized, it’s all good.  He’s just as much their parent as I am. What right do I have to take that away from him? 

So we are getting through. Dads stepped back some, and that’s hard. Instead of bashing him for it, we come up with plan b and have a good time despite it.  They’re learning how to cope with the disappointment. They’re learning how to adjust to change. They’re learning it’s ok to be sad, and it’s ok to love dad and Mr. Daddy too. They’re learning to communicate.  And we are ALL learning how to move forward. 

Eventually it’ll catch up.  And when it does, we will dust ourselves off and move on. Because life always goes on. 

Matthew 12:33 Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. 
In love,

Mama H 

The beat goes on….

I have been going to the same doctors office since I was about 12 years old. Being that we live in TR now and that I’ve had so many unanswered questions recently, I decided to switch it up. I’m absolutely in love with the kids’ new office, so I figured it was time for me to be in love with my own office as well. I scheduled my appointment two weeks ago, so today was the perfect day to wake up sick. Add that to my list of things to discuss!

I showed up at the office extremely nervous. For one, I’ve never had to wait in a waiting room as I was always the boss’ daughter! Of course, my least favorite part is first…the scale. I’m surprised my blood pressure wasn’t high just from that anxiety alone. I was super stoked to see I was down 10 pounds! The nurse worse skull shoes and I was in love from the start. We went ove my history and I was able to discuss all the hard stuff that was too awkward before…obesity, anxiety, depression, all of it. Then I waited for the doc. 

She came in and was so very sweet. We went over my list of things and it felt so good to be able to mention these things out loud to someone who could help me. Not that I think my old doctor was incompetent, because he’s a great doctor, but we were too close. I was very reserved because he knew me on a personal level. So we talked about everrrrrything. And I found out my cholesterol was high a year ago. Holy crap! That is one of the scariest things I’ve ever heard!!! 

So I left there with a renewed sense of hope. I’m on the right track with my diet and exercise. We will be running more labs soon, and she is more than happy to send me to a program similar to Lexi’s if I prefer. I chose to hold off on that since Lexi’s program attacks the entire family, but she had faith in my efforts. She is going to hold my hand through it. And that’s all anyone really needs. 

The point of this blog is to know what’s going on with your body. Get healthy. Learn as much as you can to be able to make good choices and create good habits. You are given ONE body. Only one….you have to take care of it. And if you can’t fully disclose everything to your doctor or if you feel like you’re just not being fulfilled, it’s OK to get a second opinion. See someone else that makes you comfortable and fully answers your questions. Your well being depends on it.  I have always had the “It’ll never happen to me” mentality, but here I am at 33 years old watching my cholesterol. Your bad decisions WILL catch up to you eventually. 

3 John 2 NLT 

Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit. 
Much Love,

Mama H

Today’s letters are M for Makeup, B for Beauty, and A for Attitude. 

Recently my daughter has had growing concerns about my use of makeup. Her aunt on her dads side is constantly telling her that makeup is bad for you, your mommy wears too much makeup, makeup makes your skin ugly, and people don’t think they’re pretty enough if they wear makeup. So Reagan naturally is worried to death about my mental state. Here’s the thing…every woman should wear what makes her feel sexy and confident. What’s not ok is shaming a woman for wearing makeup. It’s also not ok to shame a woman for not wearing makeup. Both options are perfectly ok! A woman that is confident in her herself is the most attractive woman on earth.  I saw a FB post the other day that had before and after pictures of women heavily made up and bare faced. The caption read “Bro take her swimming on your first date.” I didn’t find the post funny at all. Ladies, if your man only finds you attractive with product on, re-evaluate. He should find you attractive in every aspect of womanhood because our roles change constantly.  So there’s that. 

I’ve had numerous comments about my makeup and application. The most common one is “I wish I looked like you”. Well you can. It takes 10 extra minutes in the morning once you get your routine down, and practice. Here is a picture of my setup….

Everything listed here would run about $160 if you had nothing to start with. I start my day with clean skin, a moisturizer with spf, and the application. 

1) Use the beauty blender to apply your foundation all over your face. This is used to even out skin tone and cover blemishes. I’m currently obsessed with this “Time Balm” foundation. 

2) Eyes. Pick a neutral color that suits you, not matches your clothes. I like purples and oranges as they bring out the green of my eye color. That’s how you get the pop. So I use the brush to cover my eyelid with the matte color in the letter A up there. Then my crease with the R. I use the U color to highlight from the corner in. Finally the E for my brow bone. 

3) Next I line my eyes. I use a lighter color on my water line and black on my upper lash line. This gives the illusion of larger eyes. 

4) Fill in the brows and mascara. 

5) Contour and finishing powder then a little lipstick. 

Now for my before and after….


Here’s the best part of this post. Both of my pictures are beautiful. Which is the letter B for today. My before picture shows a girl that has had fun in the sun (sun spots….wear your sunscreen!!!)  She laughs frequently based on the lines around her eyes. She has dark circles from being up all night with her husband. Blemished skin because Mother Nature keeps doing her thing which means that girl is alive. My after is just as beautiful. She has a talent…she’s an artist. She’s confident and she’s owning the beauty industry. 

Now to address your attitude. Own whatever look you embrace. Learn to be happy with you in all the different roles you play as a woman. You are amazing and beautiful. Remind yourself everyday. Think good thoughts. They radiate through you and make you more beautiful than and beauty blender or bare face could ever dream of.  Practice ignoring the haters and not becoming a hater.  Be proud for the girl next to you for daring to be whoever she walked out to be….even if it’s not your preferred look. Don’t let society steal your thunder….you are worth it. ❤️
With love,

Mama H

Proverbs 3:15-18 She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.  Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed.

And the devil danced.

Do you ever find yourself in a rut?  Like you do everything you can do to be positive and pull yourself out, but the devil just dances.  I’ve been there the last few days.  Here’s where Phil 4:8 comes into play in my daily life.

Recently I shared my husband’s story and our struggle.  I forgave him and worked through it.  But sometimes the devil gets in my ear and he is persistent.  He doesn’t let up.  My husband has been nothing but upstanding.  Especially recently.  I mean he made sure my mother’s day was absolutely perfect, and man it was.  I was blown away at his efforts.  But the devil is there.  He knows when I’m weak, and I’m weak right now.  With the struggles of my kids, their dad, weight issues, juggling it all….I’m weak.  So he’s in my ear…”you know he’s only doing this because he’s hiding something….he’s talking to someone….he’s just trying to hide it from you….you better put your guard up…” And it continues relentlessly.  It literally never stops.  All while my husband is being here for me…sending me sweet messages.  He sent me a post today about how he married the perfect woman.  Yet the devil is trying to convince me he’s just saying that.  He told me I’m beautiful today more than once….the devil whispered “He has done something for him to think that way…” It doesn’t stop.

It literally makes my head spin.  I get so full of anxiety that I’m ready to crack at any moment.  Here’s what’s real….my husband is insanely in love with me.  He’s good to me.  He’s good to my kids.  He stands beside me through all of the ups and downs mostly without complaint.  I mean he’s human, so sometimes he has to throw in his distaste for some things.  He’s been amazingly supportive of my career, my life choices, my fitness goals…all of it.  So why does the devil attack this way?  He attacks because doubt is the number one killer of happiness.  If I doubt my husband, we have issues.  If we have issues, we pull back from our Father.  We fuss and argue and everything falls apart.  So the devil does his dance.

Now you may wonder how in the world do you get past it???  Philippians 4:8.  Whatever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, kind.  If there is any virtue, if there is anything worthy of praise, think of these things.  The first time I read this verse, I was in a bible study and telling the leader of the study how I would completely freak out about my baby over every little thing.  I wouldn’t let her sleep in her room because I was terrified someone would break in her window and kidnap her.  I constantly kept watch over her and was extremely over protective.  She told me to Philippians 4:8 it.  So I went home and read this verse and thought clearly she is crazy…I can’t just invent things that are good to think of when my baby is in danger of being kidnapped.  This verse doesn’t apply to me at all.  Time went on and I jumped into my bible some more and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Phil 4:8 doesn’t mean invent something good to think of.  It means look at what’s real.  What’s really happening?!  Could my daughter be kidnapped?  Yes, but not from her bed.  There was a dresser right in front of her window so a kidnapper would have to come through the front door, down the hallway and then get past the dog all while being completely silent as my room was right across from hers.  The devil was dancing.  What’s true is that my husband lives and breathes ME.  He can’t survive without me and I can’t survive without him.  We are connected in a way that is indescribable.  But the devil knows my weakness and tries to steal my joy.

So when my heart is full of anxiety, I focus on this verse.  What is true and just and right?  What’s true is my Father wants me to be happy.  The devil is taking advantage of me when I’m in a tough spot, but my real Daddy is there and if I cling to Him and ask Him to show me what’s real, He will reveal to me and calm my anxiety.  Here’s the thing….everything that you allow to take up space is projected into your life.  If I hold onto all of these negative thoughts about my husband, it breaks our trust and eventually would break us completely.  You have to start to train your mind to see what’s true and if you can’t, ask God to reveal it to you.  I explained to my husband that I was having anxiety, gave him the reasons why, then gave him the opportunity to reassure me that I was just being crazy.  I then asked God to wrap me in His armor so that I could be free from the devil.  It takes practice to perfect this method.  I’m no where near close to perfecting it, but I make an honest effort.  I read a quote this week “Living well starts with thinking well.”  And it’s so true.  I encourage you to give your worries and anxieties to God and Phil 4:8 it.  It works in all aspects of fear and anxiety.

 

In Love,

Mama H

Looking for the bright side….

Yesterday we had Lexi’s first appointment with New Impact. I really didn’t expect it to be such a hard appointment. And I should’ve because I beat myself up regularly for mom fails. I went in there expecting everyone to be super thin and attractive like some Hollywood tv show. That was not the case. I mean not that they were giant trolls or anything, but you get the point. We sat down in the waiting room and patiently waited our turn. Finally we were called back, and Lexi starts her weigh in and vitals checks. Then the nurse looks at me and says “mom if you’re bringing her to the visits, we need you to weigh as well.” I knew this was their procedure, but remember I struggle with the scale? I slid my shoes off and reluctantly stepped up. Guys, I am down NINE lbs since 2/28!!! I couldn’t believe it. Those numbers never move for me…especially at the doctors office. Those scales are weighted by Satan. They have to be. 

Anyway I was really excited. I looked at Lexi’s numbers….she’s up three pounds. How did this happen?! The doctor and dietician come in and discuss our normal activities and eating habits. I was ready to blow their minds with the healthy options we offer in our house. But the more I talked, I realized we don’t do that great of a job. I mean I make better choices for myself, but I toss easy foods that are processed and sugary at my kids. Mainly because all I’ve heard is she will grow out of it. I’ve also been so quick to blame dad. He rarely cooks for them and also gives junk. Boy we’re my eyes opened. I’m failing her miserably. 

I left there defeated. Down on myself. Questioning how I am even allowed to have these kids?! But the truth of the matter is, I’m trying to make things better. I’m still learning. She’s going to be ok because we are taking the right steps now! Her labs were all borderline high, except Vitamin D which was low. We are going to take the approach of diet change first and redraw labs at the end of the program. She’s also going for a sleep study, as she has all the signs for sleep apnea, and start a vitamin supplement. She will get to meet with the dietician and psychologist in a few weeks to learn about emotional eating and eating right. 

This is going to be a really great adventure. Keep us in your prayers and we will keep you posted! ❤️

With Love,

Mama H

Mom, I’m being bullied. 

Every mothers fear. We bring our kids up with hopes they’ll be at least a little popular. We want them to have friends and have fun. What happens when that plan fails? Here’s our experience with bullies. 

Last year was different for us. Cody started staying with us more often so we split custody 50/50. Now I suddenly have a teenager to raise. It was very trying as he was sucking at school and life at my house is very different than life at moms house. So we attacked school issues first and cracked the whip for him to get his butt in gear. I swear my head would spin off every time I saw a mark on parent portal about homework not being handed in. He eventually learned it was scary when my head spun off. Report cards came and he was below average in a lot of classes. His excuse was the teacher doesn’t like me. So I emailed every single teacher. I needed to know why they were picking on our baby. Turns out Cody is exceptionally smart….passes all the tests with A’s. He was lazy however, and rarely turned in homework. Wth dude. Wth. 

I sat down with Cody and had a long chat. “Here’s the thing man. Homework sucks. I get it. But do you think a boss is going to let you half ass your way through your career? Do you think any college is going to accept you with these crap grades??? Every time you don’t do an assignment, you’re telling that teacher I don’t care what you say, you have no authority over me, kiss my ass. Is that what you’re goal is? That’s going to get you a nice fancy job at some drive thru making $8 an hour. That’s cool if you want that for your life, but understand you have to support yourself when you turn 18. You will not be camping out in my house for the rest of your life because you couldn’t respect your teachers. Ain’t happening.”  So we handled those bully teachers by giving OUR CHILD a slap into reality. He finished the year with As and Bs. It was a struggle but he did it and I was so proud. 

We also dealt with peer bullies. His mom text me one day in a panic. “Can you go to the school? Cody is being bullied!” My schedule is way more flexible than hers so I said sure thing. I picked the boy up and said what’s up with the bullies? He said “Well they steal my pencil, move my stuff around, and tell me I’m straight as a circle.” I died laughing. Straight as a circle?! That’s HILARIOUS! He stared at me like I was crazy. I was like come on if they said it to someone else you’d think it was funny. He said well yea. Hahaha Anyway I asked him if he wanted me to handle it. He said they have a bully report they file and then the kids are called into the counselors office. He promised he’d be able to handle it on his own and I made him promise he’d tell me if it got too out of control. In the meantime I asked what could he do himself to change things? He didn’t know. So here’s my advice, Son you’re in 7th grade. It’s time to get rid of the TMNT shirts and start dressing like an adult. Laugh at the jokes, you know you’re not straight as a circle and it’s funny. Also tell that teacher to get your pencil or I’m coming up there to have a chat. 

In the meantime, I bought the kid some nice clothes from consignment. Picked him up some Nikes and started working with him on social graces. I contacted the counselor, explained he’d file this report but I didn’t want it to make things worse. She assured me she would keep an eye on it. I also asked her to deal with the teacher. Cody mentioned he asked her to get his supplies back and she responded with she has no control over that. Well sweetie it’s not his fault you don’t have control of your class, so I suggest you get control so my kid can succeed. 

Here’s what we learned from this experience…we learned how to cope.  We didn’t have to swoop in and save him. We gave him the tools needed to deal with a tough situation, and he handled it all by himself. Here’s the thing, teachers are hard on them for a reason. They have to learn and there’s a large group of different personalities that he or she is trying to teach. I never once let the teacher hold an ass chewing for my kids grade. You know why? It was his own fault! If he didn’t get the material, he should’ve asked for help. But it was his own laziness that got him there so why should the teacher hold that? My son learned respect for authority because I didn’t tell her she was wrong in front of my child. 

My son learned to let things roll because we laughed at the bullies. Straight as a circle has become one of our favorite phrases in this house. He learned how to adjust to make a tough situation manageable. I hope he takes these lessons and applies them in his life. You see, people are going to say and do things we don’t like all the time in the real world. He’s not going to be able to call mama to deal with the hard stuff as an adult. If he doesn’t do his work in a real job, he’s fired. If his boss is mean to him, mama has no power. And what woman wants to marry a man that runs to mama every time he gets a booboo?  Mic drop. 😂
With love, 

Mama H